That Has No Effect
by otherrealmwriter
Summary: In an effort to save Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura run into Kisame and resort to some rather unusual tactics to try and defeat him, with suprising results. Just a little Crackfic oneshot dedicated to my fiancee for the idea.


**I don't own Naruto okay? While watching some Naruto DVDs and seeing him do the sexy jutsu on Ebisu, my fiancée came up with quite a funny idea for a humor fic I decided to try and write. I sure hope it turns out as funny as my Deidara: Man or Woman fic. Anyway, enough of this A/N, on with the fic!**

"Danzo has ordered the death of Sasuke. I can't let this happen Sakura." Naruto said as he packed a backpack to go after Sasuke and maybe bring him back to Konoha and to safety.

"Naruto…" Sakura said as she began to follow him.

"No don't try to stop me, I am going to go and bring Sasuke back. I promised you I would and I intend to keep that promise. No matter how long it takes, I will bring him back Sakura."

"Oh, Naruto!" Sakura cried as she hugged Naruto. "I have one favor to ask of you before hand though…"

"Sure, anything for you Sakura-chan. You name it and I will do it." Naruto said smiling.

Sakura looked down at her feet then looked back up at Naruto. "I don't know if you will…" She sighed.

"Sure I will, just say it!" Naruto said. Little did he know he basically shot himself in the foot by saying that. If he had known what Sakura's request was going to be, he would not have been so promising to him. Sometimes his nindo was what got him into trouble. "Just say it Sakura-Chan!"

"I want to go with you. I wasn't able to stop Sasuke from leaving the first place and I wasn't able to go with you when you went to try and save him…" Sakura started to sob at this painful memory of the past. She was weak when it happened and it made her upset when she looked back on her missed chances she had when she was weaker. "…Please Naruto, I beg you!" She then grabbed Naruto by the shoulders and broke down into tears. "Please…I only want to bring Sasuke back."

Naruto sighed and patted Sakura on the back. "I guess I can let you come with me. But you have to be strong Sakura; don't let your former love of Sasuke get in your way."

"Don't worry, I won't. I want to show Sasuke personally my new strength and to avenge my master." Sakura said.

"You're trying to avenge Granny Tsunad-OW!" Naruto said as Sakura punched him.

"Do not call her 'Granny Tsunade'. It is either 'Tsunade-hime' or 'Lady Tsunade'. Show her some respect." Sakura said recovering in her rage. Tsunade was her sensei, the one who taught her everything she knew about being a medic-nin. Tsunade made her strong and taught Sakura everything she knew. Sakura held Tsunade with the utmost respect, not only because she was the 5th Hokage, but because she took her on as a student to her sensei and shaped her into something Sakura could be proud of. Now, her sensei was in a coma and her former best friend and teammate was about to be killed. Sakura knew she couldn't stand around and do nothing. She had to go help. Now was her chance and she knew it. If there was a chance to redeem herself for all her past weakness, now was the time. "Now, let me get some things before we go to get Sasuke. Meet me at the village gate."

"Right…" Naruto said as he rubbed the shoulder Sakura smacked. _Note to self: DO NOT say Granny Tsunade in front of Sakura-chan. She can KILL you._ Naruto headed to his apartment to gather up everything he was going to need and then headed to the gates of Konoha to meet up with Sakura. Naruto had been waiting about 15 minutes when Sakura ran up to him.

"Ready to go Naruto?" Sakura asked.

"Yep." Naruto said putting the thumbs up.

"Good." Sakura said. "Let's go." And with this, 'Let's go' they headed out of the village.

_(Page Break to the forest outside Konoha)_

While the Akatsuki was in a state of disarray after their attempt on Konoha, Kisame figure he would try to pick up where they left off with: trying to capture all the jinchūriki The last one he was hunting down with Itachi before he was killed was the Kyuubi, the nine tailed fox. "I don't need Itachi. Heeee heeeh. If I cut off that jinchūriki's arms and legs, and kill anyone who is with him, I should be able to capture that brat no problem." Little did he know that the Kyuubi was not too far from him and their paths were about to cross in a major way.

Kisame sat down on a stump to gather his strength and his mind. He opened his case and pulled out a rice ball donut and started to eat it. "I miss Itachi, but the one thing I don't miss is when he would eat all the shrimp and onigiri." Kisame took a bite and smiled. He then looked up at the sky and smiled once again. "Days like this make me want to sit here and just picnic all day."

Meanwhile, while Kisame was trying to enjoy his picnic lunch, he heard a rustling nearby. He grabbed his sword and looked around. "I guess that was an animal…" He said and Naruto and Sakura hid behind a tree.

"Akatsuki!" Sakura whispered.

"I know. " Naruto whispered. "He was the one that was with Itachi when they tried to capture me." Naruto looked at Sakura and then at where Kisame is standing. _ I can't hide from them forever. I have to help Sakura bring Sasuke back! I have to take this Sharkman on!_ Naruto looked from where Kisame was over to Sakura. "I have to take him on. I have to fight this Akatsuki."

"Are you sure Naruto?" Sakura asked.

"Yes I am sure!" Naruto said as he started to do a few hand signs. "Shadow clone jutsu!" He yelled as a few shadow clones appeared. They then began to create a circular ball of chakra in his hand. "RASANGAN!" Naruto yelled.

"What the-?" Kisame yelled as he picked up his sword. Naruto was heading towards him with his Rasangan in full blast, ready to attack. Kisame moved to the side and slashed his sword at Naruto's general direction. Kisame's sword slashed at Naruto's arms.

"OW!" Naruto yelled as the sword slashed him.

"My blade, Sharkskin!" Kisame said. "You should remember it well Nine Tails."

"I know!" Naruto yelled.

"I hope you will also remember that this blade eats your chakra!" Kisame laughed.

"Naruto!" Sakura yelled. "Do you need me to help you?"

"Stay there Sakura, I don't want you to get involved!" Naruto yelled.

"Think! He must have one weakness; he is a guy you know!" Sakura yelled. "Remember how we got the bells from Kakashi-sensei!"

Naruto rolled his eyes at Sakura. _How is Kakashi's pervyness going to help me here? How will spoiling the ending of Make-Out Tactics going to help me here? I think he had the hots for Itachi when he was alive._ Kisame took another swing and cut deep into Naruto's arm.

"Had enough yet?" Kisame asked.

"NO! I WILL DESTROY YOU!" Naruto yelled trying to summon up enough chakra to make another Rasangan. However, something wasn't working. Naruto couldn't summon up enough chakra for the Rasangan.

"Naruto!" Sakura yelled, "Think outside the box, and use some more unusual jutsus!"

_Unusual Justus…._ Naruto thought as a smile came over his face. "I have a jutsu for you, you big Pervy Sharkman!" Naruto made a few hand signs.

"A shadow clone jutsu?" Kisame asked laughing. "You know that can never hope to work right?"

"No, but how about this!? I could take down the third Hokage with this!" Naruto made another hand sign. "Harem jutsu!" Suddenly, all of Naruto's clones turned into blonde, buxom, naked women. "How do you like me now Kisame Sharkman?"

Sakura looked over to Kisame to Naruto and his clones in female form. _Could this work? I mean, this is an unusual jutsu… it may…_ She saw Kisame look Naruto and his female clones up and down, sort of interesting and sort of puzzled. Then Kisame cracked a smile. _Could this be it? Could he really have been won over by that move?_

"Nice transformation jutsu, I will give you that. But sadly, naked women have no effect on me. I reproduce asexually by eggs." Kisame said.

With a "poof" Naruto turned back, and walked over to Sakura. "What the…?" he asked.

"I know, more than I needed to know as well." Sakura said.


End file.
